Blog - Tina-Marie Miller

Ghosting – it’s not just scary, it’s a tragedy

22 August 2018 by Tina-Marie Miller

Don’t worry – this old bird hasn’t lost her marbles just yet! I’d like to use this blog update to discuss the issue of Ghosting. Maybe it will be as unfamiliar to you as it was to me when I first came across what I now know to be a growing phenomenon. Please take 5 and join me as I discuss the reasons why I have been drawn to this topic as the central theme for my forthcoming release in the Hamptons series.

The Hamptons Book 3 – Fame and Fortune

If you are not familiar with my work, I write contemporary women’s fiction with a twist of tongue-in-cheek humour. My first book, ‘Everything Happens For a Reason’, introduces readers to the adorable Poppy Jackson and follows her tale of love, loss and new beginnings. The second book in this series, ‘The Curious Miss Fortune’ is an entertaining cosy mystery exploring how broken relationships can be turned around in the most unexpected fashion. My forthcoming release ‘Fame and Fortune’ explores the phenomenon of Ghosting, and it’s no laughing matter.

For those of you who are not yet familiar with this term, my trusty friend, Dictionary.com describes Ghosting as:

ghosting

[goh-sting]

noun

1.       Television. The appearance of multiple images, or ghosts, on a television screen.

2.       Informal.

  1. The practice of suddenly ending all contact with a person without explanation, especially in a romantic relationship:

He was a victim of ghosting.

  1. Also called French goodbye, Irish goodbye. The act of leaving a social event or engagement suddenly without saying goodbye:

Ghosting might be the best option if we want to get home before midnight.

3.       Digital Technology. The removal of comments, threads, or other content from a website or online forum without informing the poster, keeping them hidden from the public but still visible to the poster.

Source: Dictionary.com (http://www.dictionary.com/browse/ghosting?s=t)

My story focuses on people who have ended all contact with a person without explanation and the research behind this was as shocking as it was heartbreaking. Type the term into a search engine and you will be bombarded with articles aimed at giving advice such as ‘why people ghost’ and ‘how to cope with ghosting’. There are even articles that claim to help you spot clues of a potential ‘ghoster’. I also came across a number of well written articles by psychologists who aim to explain the reasoning behind such behaviour, with some claiming that the ‘ghoster’ ‘could have a borderline personality disorder.’

Whatever the reasoning behind such behaviour is, the trauma on the people left behind can be devastating. It’s not just about one night stands never getting in touch again, or an off/on lover who suddenly finds someone new. I was shocked to discover tales from distraught parents whose children have upped and left without so much as a second glance – families who’ve never shared a cross word – and who are left floundering. It’s no surprise that in many circumstances, being left clueless and fearing the worst, they reach out to the authorities for answers often to be told that their offspring has requested to be left alone.

None of us know what goes on behind closed doors and in such situations respect should be afforded to both sides. However, I was rather taken aback at a comment I came across where the poster expressed their disgust in no uncertain terms that their parents had the audacity to call in the police to help find them.

However, I am certainly not here to judge anyone.

In my new book, whilst we return to the light-heartedness of village life, I also attempt to tackle this serious issue from different perspectives. I only hope that I can do it justice.

Fame and Fortune by Tina-Marie Miller is due for release on 31st October 2018 in Paperback and on Kindle via Amazon and www.tinamariemiller.co.uk

If you have been affected by this issue, there is help and support available. Please contact your healthcare provider who should be able to put you in touch with the relevant organisation.